Today's question asked for the Tuesday Blog Walk:

Simple answer, complicated emotions. 

I was sitting in my living room drinking my morning coffee.  Dweeb was getting ready for work.  My parents were expected within an hour to have morning coffee with me.  This is a rare visit due to dad's mobility troubles with his illnesses at this time.  It was one of the last times he visited my home before his death.  Blondie was at school.  She was a sophomore and had just begun high school.  Drama Queen, well, she was once again in the county jail for a misdemeanor.

I flipped on the television to the Today Show to catch the news.  Within five moments, they switched to the World Trade Center which had smoked billowing out of it.  The word at that point was that it might have been a small plane such as a Cessna that hit the Tower.  It seemed like a lot of smoke for a small aircraft to me and Dweeb.  It had not been that long since we had been in NYC and took a trip to the top.  Blondie wanted to Dippin Dots.  I bring this up constantly because that was the way to get her to the top.  She was scared to go all the way up there.  At the base of the towers are benches outside.  We laid on our backs on these benches and just stared up at the buildings.  From this vantage point, you could not see the top.  That is how tall these buildings were.

Dweeb went back to the bedroom to finish getting ready for work.  I continued to watch the television and listening to reports.  As I was watching I saw with my own eyes a jet liner fly smack into the second tower.  At first I just sat there stunned.  No way was what went through my mind.  Then without thinking I screamed.  My husband ran out of the bedroom.  I just looked at him and said a passenger jet just hit the other tower!  He looked at me like I was an idiot until he glanced at the television screen and they showed it again.  Shit... and F--- were the words that continually came out of our mouths.  Then we heard them reporting that there were several other airplanes unaccounted for.  My parents showed up at the door.  They came in with the delicious rolls and I just loked at them.  They had heard the news on the radio.  Dad was shaking his head and cursing.  (one of the few times I really heard my Dad curse in my entire life).  Mom was more like "that's too bad".  Anyway.  I poured coffee for all of us.  We tried to carry on a conversation, but kept staring at the television.  It wasn't long before the Pentagon was hit and the unthinkable. 

When the first tower fell, Dweeb was already at work.  I stared in disbelief at the images.  I watched the cloud.  I watched the reporters trying to make sense of what they were seeing on the ground.  Then the second tower fell.  I was crying at this point.  I've been to those towers.  They are so tall!  Unlike anything you have ever seen in your life!  We have tons of pictures from our trip of those towers.  Pictures taken at the towers.  Pictures taken from the Brooklyn Heights Promenade.  Unbelievable.  It wasn't long before I heard about the plane in Pennsylvania.  At this point, I nearly paniced.  Is my sister all right?  She works in Chicago.  Are the family members of a friend of mine okay?  I knew they worked in Manhattan. 

Then I snapped out of it.  Blondie.  She is at school.  Is she okay?  Is she freaking out?  As a sophomore, does she realize our country is under attack?  Do I need to go get her?  I think at this point I was in shock.  I believe I called Blondie on her cell phone.  She said she was fine and they did know what was happening.  She couldn't believe it.  I don't think at that point she fully realized the impact and what this meant.  (In December, 2002, her dance team went to NYC to take dance classes and see a Broadway show.  They made a visit to Ground Zero.  Many had been to the towers before this tragedy.  They signed the large sheets of paper hanging on the fence surrounding the area.  I have photographs of the girls visiting and signing). 

I visited DQ a few days later in the county jail.  It was the first time we were allowed to visit.  She didn't know what was going on really.  All she knew was that the morning of 9/11, all those incarcerated were immediately ordered back to their cells and they were on lock down for over 24 hours without any explanation.  Needless to say, she was not happy.  It happens that all jails in the nation were put on lock down for at least 24 hours.

Most of that day, I realized we were under attack, but was in shock.  I wept for days.  I was angry.  I wanted to race to the Brooklyn Bridge and Manhattan and help all those people.  Help find their loved ones.  Help them find their way home.  Help them get in touch with family and friends to let them know they were okay.  I was frustrated. 

In many ways, I am still feeling all of these things.  It is still difficult to believe that the Towers do not exist even though I have been to Ground Zero several times since.